An ode to those who are loving their Fathers from afar.

Every year since maybe I was in my early teens, I dread Father’s Day. Until today. About two days ago, I finally arrived at a well-rounded understanding of what it means to set boundaries out of love and not out of spite. Boundaries are created to maintain a relationship, not to end them.

We’ve had a tumultuous relationship for what seems like my entire life. Whether it’s too much aggression, or a disagreement of ideology, a difference in value and belief system, or all-around incompatibility. I (and other relatives) have tried to force a relationship between my father and me for years, but I recently realized that it’s not my duty to uphold what is common, it’s my responsibility to hold up what’s true. What’s true is our relationship is complicated. Our relationship is faulty. Our relationship is full of love, disappointment, confusion, passion, and to-be-discovered.

I love my father. I love that he’s imperfect; multi-faceted; troubled; sensitive; emotional. Because we all are. But the thing I love about him the most is that he understands what it means to love someone from afar. Everyone has the opportunity in their life, to be honest, full, truthful, and stand in their light. To do that, we both have to love each other from afar. So though we do not talk much, though we do not share words, dad, know that I love you. That I am thinking of you. That I am praying for your next chapter of life to be filled with joy and jubilation. I hope you sincerely get that, because I know I will be!

So to all of the children loving their fathers from afar, I see you. To all of the children parenting themselves, I’m holding space for you. To all of the children finding ways to fill holes their parents aren’t able to fill, I love you. I share my stories for healing and hope. For the curious and confused. For the troubled and treasured.